Sometimes we need to take some time off before acting – or in my case, writing. I’ve been meaning to write, I’ve got many things to say, but when I actually “add new post” on WordPress, I feel like everything I have to write is meaningless. What can you write or say when you need more time to think? What possible words could make any meaning when you’re thinking of dystopias? How can you find the right words to adequately express sadness, bitterness, and despair? And how can you go on and write when death strikes in unexpectedly?
The worst event of the last weeks, I may call them the “Dark Weeks”, has been the death of a good friend, only 28 years old, the best person you could ever meet, at the peak of her life. When I hear about deaths I imagine that “Game Over” message on an arcade monitor coming up, leaving you with anger, thinking that you could have done things differently if you knew this would happen. Truth is, seldom you know this will happen, and rarely you’ll even try to change yourself to prevent it (just a classic example, people who smoke know that they’re gradually killing their lungs, which at some point could be proved fatal, but still, they won’t quit). You won’t prevent it because people are born selfish. When you enjoy smoking, you won’t think the impact that has on others – meaning, what will happen to them if you die from it. Maybe people should stop being so selfish, but if they ignore one of the things that make them human (ie their passions, in any form) then it’s like denying their human nature. Vicious circle, another characteristic of human nature. And perhaps, if we start thinking of others, then we’ll forget what it is to live.
Death is one of those things that we can be so philosophical about; in this sense, we can never reach to an outcome agreed by all humans. Anyone is free to believe what they want – if there’s an afterlife or if everything ends there – and that is meant to help everyone deal with it. You can’t reason death, it would be trying to reason justice in a human context, where rapists leave courts pledging not guilty and where attorneys won’t do anything to impose proper justice, because at the end of the day, it’s just a job like any other. There’s corruption everywhere, but don’t get me started on this. As I wrote before, words are meaningless when it comes to things like that – unfair events. If you want to boost your confidence, try readying dystopian literature and the works of George Orwell, William Gibson, Aldous Huxley, Yevgeny Zamyatin, Ray Bradbury, and the list goes on but it’s not that massive. Franz Kafka is not on the dystopian literature list, but I believe he should be as some of his work (“The Castle”, “The Trial”, “Metamorphosis”) is metaphorically dystopian, in our personal space, feeling alien to the rest of the world, having to deal with rules and bureaucracy that we don’t understand. Anyway, knowledge is power, and literature is food for your brain. It does help a lot with many things – like a good cup of tea as the British say!
Moving on to other events of the “Dark Weeks”, I’ve had time to think about my dissertation. I’m not going to reveal anything yet, I’m afraid this will have to wait some more time. I’ve spent lots of time in the Oxford libraries and read many, many, books. Old and new ones. Reading helps you clarify – and this is the key word for a doctorate, clarification. You can’t do anything when you’re confused.
I’ve started uploading some of my music on 8bitpeoples, my nickname there is marilou.p so feel free to listen, comment, and give me some feedback! I only have “the gametoy song” and “iceberg” on, but soon I’ll put more.
The next two weeks are going to be my proper time off as my parents are visiting and I’ll take them sight-seeing, that’s really exciting! It’s Easter holidays anyway, so University is going to be closed.
I’m hoping the “Dark Weeks” have ended. It’s about time…